i always wonder.
why are we always so affected by others?
is it the reason that we can't live alone.
is it cos we're made this way, we feel insecure, we feel lonely?
thus we always sought after people's approvals to make ourselves feel that hey we're doing the right thing?
is thinking for yourself sometimes instead of putting others in front of you wrong?
selfishness?
self-centred?

had my third holy communion today.
the intense feelings i felt when i had it the first time seemed mild now.
how?
and i thought wow, it's already march.
what have i done this year up till now?
has it been fulfilling?
has it been happy?
hmm, happy is yet another subjective term.
being happy can be at others' expense.
so is being happy a good or bad thing?
anyway, so has the past two months been fulfilling?
hmm. i don't know.

it just seemed this year started bad.
everything seems out of control.
i don't like it.
but should i be thinking in such a selfcentred way again?
it's always about me me me. me liking. me disliking.
i've been busy that i've drifted from many things.
things neglected. empty promises.
wrong choices maybe?
hah.
what's new.
but what have i been busy with?
i don't even know.

i can see it's going to be a year for me to learn many lessons.
who knows, by the end of the year i'm not who i am now. mundane.
moodless.
drifted.
stressed.
facade. should i or should i not?

should -
well, i won't be so tight up.
since, this is my only source of inflow.
and, i have many plans that are a lil too ambitious. lol.

shouldn't -
i need time to study.
i have too many.
i will be 'pestered'.
i should insist my stand.

so? MERRY CHRISTMAS!
'twas a christmas full of carollings! :D

andand, happy first birthday THAD kiddo! :D
why are you staring at me? lol.



and of course we gotta take a photo with the prettiest sister Gladys (: 20122009.

YAYs.

BAPTISED!

All who is happy say YAY! :D :D

No words can express how happy and nervous i was. and this will be the official second birthday of mine (:
and so, Grace Heah will start from scratch again. She is now zero years of age once more.
She is still learning her ropes in Christian-living so.. 请多多指教!
lalalalalalala~ so now i can sing songs day in day out?
not like i haven't been doing that, with my own lyrics somemore (and got corrected by amanda lol!)

YAYs. a day i won't forget.

p.s. it's fine corrine. you rushed! it's the thought that counts. no need to cry. hahah. why so cute? (:
p.p.s and i guess it's quite wonderful to get baptised with your cousin. (: God does answer prayers.
for the past few days, be it the biggest issue or the smallest issue, He has been showing me so many miracles that I myself is so amazed.

say, how can it be that i was up on the peak of bt timah hill and the wind started howling really dangerously. i started to pray that it will not rain until we get down cos it will be really dangerously for us, and the campers from this random children's camp. and so, i could hear the howling and i could even see rain at the city but just not the forest. somehow, the minute we got down from the hill, it started pouring. how wonderful is the timing?

then, the dress which i got online, which i prayed and prayed that it must not go wrong cos i don't have any time to go search for baptism clothes, turned out reallly wrong. and so i panicked. and i asked around. the next morning, DING, i thought i was able to think clearly. consolidating the various opinions, i started mixing clothes that i already have and tada, i have it. I am happy cos i can look presentable on such an important day, and I am happy too cos He showed me the fact that if you trust Him, He'll show you the way, when there seems to be no way.

then there was this incident, where my friend needed help. but, i couldn't help cos i didn't know the essential details. Helplessness. and so i prayed. real hard. that was the only thing i could do. then she texted. said she's fine. Relief? i think i can just literally scream THANK YOU GOD, then break down and cry. Hahah. yes, crybaby i am.

you know, i reminded myself that i needed to give you a hug when i see you. but, memory fails.


well, yea. actually, these were all really big issues in my opinion. and this got me marvelling once again. He will never abandon. only we will. Hmm, time to reflect.
*chiong to do quiettime.*
lol.